Okay so it's been a while since I've had any time to post for real, and so i'm finally getting around to it now. This will be the story of the Wednesday that occurred before my last story (Friday at Smile's house). I also decided to make it into the 4 seperate days that it really was and not to connect wednesday and thursday. This is simply because it takes a long time to write one of these and I dont' want to write both days tonight. There are no pictures for this night, but I'm still going with the different names, enjoy.
It starts off as just another school day. And once again, its a suit day. This time however, I was not the only one, I got JuniorMints to wear one aswell. Later on, more participated, but only Me and JuniorMints get props for the full day of awesome style. After school there is a plan. It goes awry (like all my plans) but still results in an enjoyable evening (to say the least).
Immediately after school, TheHulk and I go find JuniorMints, who is going to be heading back up to my house with us. CK Kiddo is planning to join us once we arrive there. FiestyItalian will be meeting us there aswell. The plan, to hit up Dicks.....in formal gear. Grungy restaurant+well dressed people+digital camera= One Big Puddle of AWESOME. Hands down. Interrupting this however, is Pops, who calls and yells at me for about 30 seconds before I retaliate full force. Result? I win. I defeated a 300lb man in an argument over the phone and hung up on him. Effectively fucked myself over for later, but it was irrelevant. A minor speed bump and I got over it. Kinda.
TheHulk, JuniorMints, and I get back up to my house, I do 6 assignments for homework in record time. CK Kiddo shows up. She looks awesome and JuniorMints looks like he's about to bust a nut just looking at her. TheHulk has run home to change into a suit in the meantime. Then FiestyItalian showed up. She also looks stunning and though I can't testify for this myself (due to the fact that I can't see my own expressions), I believe I too looked like I was about to splooge all over myself from just the sight of her. TheHulk returns looking quite sharp with his custom Stetson and full suit.
We depart in the Thunder Freezer for Dicks, after some seating rearrangements. Apparantly my bony ass is not comfortable to have on your lap, who knew? We eat, then come back up the hill looking to see a movie. This means we need to rent one however because theres no way we're paying to go to a theater, half of us (including myself) are broke.
So we head up to Video Isle and everyone but FiestyItalian and I go in to pick a movie. This leaves me and her in a car...a van....alone. This didn't go how I wanted at all. In fact, nothing at all happened. It was basically my futile attempts being shot down for 5 min.
Then one of the most douche things ever happened. JuniorMints, Jewtasmo, and JollyGreenGiant attacked the van, after realizing that we were both inside. They begin to rock the van, which isn't hard for such big guys. After realizing who it is, I start to scramble to beat the living hell out of Jewtasmo. But just in case you need more evidence that God hates me and enjoys watching me struggle, the door is jammed. But no, I don't do something logical like try a different door, I continue pulling on the same one. Over and over and over again. Now I'm not nearly as pissed at Jewtasmo anymore, I just hate the sliding door of the Thunder Freezer with a passion. [Note:it's never gotten stuck like that again, I forgave it]
I eventually escape the clutches of the Freezer and slam my shoulder into Jewtasmo's solar plexus after a full charge. JuniorMints has fled the scene a while ago. FiestyItalian doesn't give a shit about being attacked by these guys. She does care however that JollyGreenGiant is there. I'd never met him before but apparantly she's very good friends with him. He got more play from her that night than I did. Pathetic I know.
Everyone returns and we take off back to my house again. We take control of the basement and begin the screening. CK Kiddo is immediately atop JuniorMints laying on the couch. Soon enough it becomes mine, and I beckon for FiestyItalian...no go. I eventually end up laying on the ground with her, but shes totally unresponsive to me. Oh my troubles with women, rather, this one woman. That was totally sarcastic, I'm not going all emo on you here.
Around 9, I get a call from EmoGirl. She has a fifth of vodka. And 5 Mikes (coincidentally, I bought these for her) and she wants me to come drink with her and her friends. How can I refuse that kind of offer? Free booze, and lots of it. I'm game. I wait out the rest of the movie out of courtesy, after which FiestyItalian coldly departs. CK Kiddo and JuniorMints decide to stay behind, which turns out to be a good idea, and no, nothing happened. This story actually does not involve anyone getting any play. This means its just TheHulk and I.
We depart to meet them at Rogers Park. A quick call and I know they're almost there. Once we arrive, the drinking commences. It's almost like they waited for me to start. I down 2 of the 5 mikes, leaving 1 for each of the girls, who will now affectionately be referred to as EmoKid, PrissyDrunk, and DrunkSlut. We start in on the vodka, which is very cheap stuff and tastes like paint thinner. Not to mention the fact that its not as alcoholic as normal vodka. So we decide we need some mixers for it.
At this point I'm the most drunk looking one (ironically) even though I feel perfectly fine. Its simply that I'm a little off balance already and that I only got 1/2 an hour of sleep the night before. But they decide that I'm not going in. Yeah, like thats gonna happen. We all go into the store, even despite their protests. You can't defy me, you just can't. So we decide to get this wierd tropical juice, which turns out to be a very good choice, it tastes excellent, and even with the horrible vodka it tastes okay. We also buy a lot of red plastic cups. Then proceed up to Little Howe park. TheHulk departs at this time and returns to his dwelling.
Once we get there, it takes 30 seconds and I'm already pouring drinks. DrunkSlut is already being annoying by trying to make me pour to much for EmoGirl. She succeeds. EmoGirl has a 25/75 mix. She only needs about a 20/80 or a 25/75 mix. Oh well, not too big of a deal. PrissyDrunk gets a 10/90 mix, which tastes like juice and basically is. DrunkSlut gets a 20/80, and I get a 50/50. I drink 2 cups of the 50/50 mix. I've drank about 1/2 the bottle in total. After finishing her cup, DrunkSlut decides its a good idea to chug the bottle. So she drinks probably about 1/4 of the bottle in total. The other 1/4 is unevenly split between EmoGirl and PrissyDrunk. EmoGirl drinks way more. PrissyDrunk acts way drunker. What a fake.
Moving on, I'm really starting to feel it, really heavily. I'm almost entirely unable to function its getting so bad. PrissyDrunk looks way hotter than she did before, and she didn't look too bad sober. If she wasn't so fucking prissy and fake, I might have been willing to fuck her. But no. Moving on, we realize the time at this point, and its way too late to be out still. Sometime around here, two random girls (neither is hot at all, and neither could have even possibly been over 13 years old) show up, they will be dejectedly referred to as BlondeChub and MysteriousUgly from here on in. BlondeChub immediately takes a liking to me, which annoys the living hell out of me for the following 50 minutes.
We embark on our journey back towards the dwellings of both me and EmoGirl (we're neighbors). There we will all find shelter for the night. Total distance? 5 blocks, maybe 6. We make it about 1 and a quarter blocks in the first 20 minutes of travel. The reason we're barely moving? DrunkSlut. Shes so wasted she can't even stand, let alone walk, on her own. I'm so frustrated from this I actually start to sober up a little bit from burning off the alcohol. BlondeChub is trying to be supportive and comforting, but its hard for a 12 year old sober fat girl to comfort a 16 year old angry drunken alcoholic.
Its even harder when her way of comforting is to give me a hug, and when she tries, I feel dirty, so I push her away as best I can, and stumble off trying to pick up DrunkSlut and carry her for as far as I can. I effectively carried her for 3 blocks at this point. It took 10 minutes. Right around then, she mutters something to the tune of, "Just let me..." and trails off before attempting to make out with me. This results in her sucking on my jawbone...below my ear...for about 2 min straight, before I get completely disgusted beyond belief, and toss her into a bush next to the sidewalk.
I feel dirty. I'm still drunk. She's drunker, she wants more. She walks over to EmoGirl and asks, "Did I just kiss Spencer?" EmoGirl has no idea and just stands there drunken and perplexed, so I answer for her, "You tried." She practically collapses at me, and says, "Let me try again" and tries to stand up and kiss me, but shes too short. She just stands there with her mouth open on the tips of her toes, until she finally collapses to the ground. Once again, I'm on carrying duty. I pick her up and carry her another 200 feet before she flips out and decides she hates me, slaps me, and starts complaining.
Enter JuniorMints. The hero of this entire night. Not only has he just comforted CK Kiddo, but now he's the only sober and sensible one there. And now that shes decided she hates me, DrunkSlut has decided that she loves him. So we have him walk away, towards my house, and then we all follow close behind, she soon starts stumbling after us. She finally makes it all the way to EmoGirl's front steps, thanks in majority, to JuniorMints, for making her take that last block without too much yelling and screaming.
Finishing out the night, I threw up 4 times in a row. Then ate 3 waffles before passing out again. Garth crashed on my floor. I slept for only 8 hours, then we got a call. It's time to start Day 3 (thursday) of the Quadruple Header.